I recommend structuring your commercial in the following format: 

     I.  Basic Intro (5-7 seconds) 
    II. Tell us how to help you (25-75 seconds)

Now let’s break this down in greater detail.

Section I- Basic Intro
When guests/fairly new members are in the room I think this is important to reinforce.  Think of it as 5-7 seconds.
For example I normally say:  “Hi, I’m Bart Giles.  I’m with The Referrals Group in the state of Kentucky.”

Section II- Tell us how we can help you 
This is the meat of your presentation.  Stories, goals, & specific targets are great.  Sometimes you can inter-mingle all three.

1-      Tell us a story about a client you helped.  Include what problem you solved & what product/service you used.
2-      Cover a goal(s) you have for this (month, quarter, year) and what we can do to help you achieve it.
3-      Tell us about specific people/companies you’d like to meet and why.

Mistakes to avoid: 
-Don’t try to tell us everything you do here.  There isn’t enough time.  Go deep vs wide.
-Don’t sell to the room.  Think of the room as your sales team.   They need to know how to identify opportunities for you!
-Prepare in advance so you can listen while other members/guests are giving their commercial

A few other key points:
-We do this at the end of the meeting.  Members often ask why at the beginning versus the end.   We do it last because we want it to be the last thing people remember about the meeting.
-Most importantly when your commercial triggers a potential opportunity, then that member can go talk to you about the best way to turn this from an idea into a referral.
-Smile.  Have fun.  Remember, if you aren’t excited about your business then don’t expect others to be!